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Hello myself, here we go.. we meet again.. 

Been a very long time, not talking to myself with words... things are change, a lot.. Now I've been married with an adorable guy, the best version kind of guy that I could dream of..(thanks God).. Been moving from Jakarta for about 3 years, now living in Surabaya for good.. Been busy with kiddos, 3 kids to be exact, and surprisingly I love my new role as a mother, besides all of the ups and down of parenthood, I think it's making me grow as a human being, I'm feeling I need to be a better human for them and for myself, and I think now I am less temperament, I feel much more mature with regulating my feelings and emotions.

Well, after years of settling myself facing changes in my life (new role, new circumstances) I think I'm ready to comeback to be the ambi version of myself, been dreaming of study abroad for a long time, but stuck with progress cause need to practice my English (that I haven't use for a while).. So.. it's now.. it's me journaling, to practice myself speaking and writing in English, let's start from scratch..   

OH LOOK, I can still write some paragraph in English.. not bad Eve.. :) 

"good" and "Bad" are incomplete stories we tell ourselves

there's an ancient parable about a farmer who lost his horse, and a neighbor came over to said "oo, waw, it's too bad. And the farmer said, "good or bad, hard to say", minutes later, the horse return and brings with it seven wild horses, and neighbors come over to say " oow, it's so good", and the farmer just said "good or bad, hard to say". The next day, the farmer's were ride one of the wild horse, and break his leg.. and then the neighbor say "oow, it's a terrible luck, then the farmer said "good or bad, hard to say".. eventually, officer came to knocking

didn't get the job I wanted. "good or bad, hard to say"
got the job I wanted. "good or bad, hard to say"
to me, the story isn't about looking at the bright side, or waiting to see how things turn out. it's about how eager we can be to label the situation to put concrete around it, by judging it, but reality is much more fluid, good and bad are often incomplete stories we tell ourselves, the parable has been my warning, that by gripping tightly to a good story, or bad, I close down my ability to truly see a situation. I learn more when I precede and losing my grip, and precede openly with curiosity and wonder.

Rangkaian Kata dalam Doa

Sungguh besar kuasa Tuhan...
Menuliskan alur kehidupan..
Mengalahkan segala daya dan upaya tak terkira..
Untuk dinikmati setiap berkahnya..

Kubaca segala pertanda..
Kuyakinkan pada segala arti pesan-Nya..
Sungguh Engkau mendengar apa yang kupinta,
Mungkin Engkau dengar ada hati kecil yang juga meminta di ujung sana..
Lalu Kau runtuhkan tembok besar antara kami berdua,
Dan membuka ruang untuk Kami bersama..

Aku pasrahkan pilihanku pada Takdir-Mu
Jika ini yang memang menjadi kehendak-Mu,
maka satukanlah Kami atas seizinMu..