I seriously forget when was the last time I drop the tear off my eyes, means that I've been forgot when was the last time I have things called 'problem'... play save on my life nowadays, might be because of "the tirany of freedom".. have this life like 180 degree difference with my life before. From the not-wanting-to-go-home person, and now become an always-want-to-go-home-ASAP person.. I just a bit feel awkward with this huge changes in life.. and seriously, have you ever feel like you don't have anything to expressed? feel, just nothing.. because I do, I don't feel anything, neither happy nor sad. I don't have problems to anybody, and it feels like no dynamic of life, no emotion.. since two days ago,I feel like I wanna cry, but I don't have any reason to cry about, so I can't cry.. I do laugh everyday, but I still feel empty, feels like there's something uncompleted, feels like heartless, feels like robot..
I assumed that maybe this is what I'm asking to God, so this is what I got from Him..
Since in college, since I didn't get the university that I really want, I stop asking God for anything. I still pray to God, but just like what I said, I didn't ask Him to give me what I actually want, in my pray I just only say "God, you know the best". I thought life will be simpler if I didn't have any expectation, any demand, or anything to ask to God, I don't know I might be still thinking that "If God have been made a destiny for all of human being, why should I ask God to have a life on my own, because it feels like useless if I pray and strive for it, then what actually happen is none whatsoever like what I want"..So I decide to never asking God anything, because the more I asking Him, the more I expect it to be true..
And now, I'm feeling empty. Yes, God shows me what I'm asking, because I ask nothing to Him, He give me nothing, not a happiness or even a sadness but he give me the emptiness. seriously it feels worse, you don't feel like a human-being. you feel heartless. So guys, watch out what you're asking to God.
